Faces of Byron: The Ballerina
Faces of Byron
Faces of Byron is a poetic series inspired by the unique personalities who live and breathe Byron Shire values, either residing here or holding it strong in their hearts. Get to know the quirky, down-to-earth and inspiring humans ditching the nine-to-five and exploring a new way of being. Our in-house storytellers share tales straight from the lives of quintessential Byronites, be they long-time locals, new residents or those simply passing through.
Faces of Byron: The Ballerina
Story by Rebekah Reeve
I never got to be a ballerina, but I don’t think I was ever actually destined to be one. I always liked the discipline of ballet though, maybe I attached my identity to that ballerina stereotype, the girl who is really hard working in such an unconventional job and it’s so rare and it’s so prestigious.
I failed my first year at the Australian Conservatoire of Ballet, I didn’t have much prior training. It was a two-year course and I thought I may as well do another year and improve my technique, so I repeated my first year.
With ballet though, there’s this whole innocent, naïve, sheltered privileged thing and even though I wanted to be young and innocent and moulded into that, maybe I already had a sense of self and I couldn’t really conform to what they wanted, I just questioned too much. I’ve always been that way; I’ve always questioned people with authority.
I think I contradict myself in a lot of ways, there’s this good ballerina type girl and there’s this like, fuck that, girl. I’m definitely very creative, I have a lot of ideas and I’ve really come to appreciate it as I’ve gotten older and set that up as a part of who I am.
Creativity is really important to me; I think if I didn’t have that I’d be really lost. I do it instinctively, subconsciously, in the smallest things, it might be in the way I arrange my room, the presentation with something I’ve made or the way I appear. I want to find a way to distinguish myself.
The contradiction can feel kind of lonely though. I feel like I’m a piece of a puzzle but it’s sort of the faulty piece. Like, I’m the extra piece that doesn’t fit, the corner edge that doesn’t quite fit because its cut wrong. It’s difficult because I can see where I’m meant to be but at the same time I don’t exactly click.
Sometimes I have a pretty dark sense of humour. I try to find the spin on things I’m going through and I guess that sort of helps me cope. I’d rather laugh about things than cry about them. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realised that not everyone’s dad touched them when they were little. The depression though, that’s common and I like to see the funny within the intensity of it. I’m not trying to desensitise, I’m just being like ‘its normal, everyone goes through this shit’.
I have had some friends and people who are following me on social media say, ‘oh it’s so funny what you post, and I love that you’re so honest’. I guess I make a post or make a joke out of a trauma and sort of laugh about it and there’s that uncomfortable feeling like ‘should I laugh?’ But, it’s just so funny and so ridiculous, it’s like ‘oh, that’s just a different level of humour’.
With technology and social media, you can see how people live their life through it and you can really admire it, but also, it’s important to see through the bullshit. Just roll your eyes at it because everyone’s becoming the same and everyone’s feed is becoming the same and posting their success when we know, it’s not actually like that. I mean, we’re always told oh this is not my real life this is not really what goes on behind closed doors and I’m like, ‘well then tell us’.
So, I try to be genuine. That’s something I’ve become more aware of as I’ve gotten older. I really appreciate genuine people. You know, when you come across those people who are just grounded, they’re not fake. I really appreciate that, and I want to be more like that too.
Dancing helps me to stay grounded. It’s very rare that I can get out of my head, but I find dancing gives me something else to focus on. It puts me into my body, and I’m not the best at doing that at other times. I tend to disassociate and disconnect, so I think I enjoy the physical exertion and the feeling of my muscles burning.
It also makes me feel kind of free, like a sort of forgetting. it could be the same as meditation, some people experience the same thing surfing or running or whatever, where you sort of just get into a state of flow and you’re present but not hyperaware of anything that’s going on in the external environment. It’s all just internal and in that moment.
Kat’s insta handle is @ballet_school_dropout.